special occassions

I've realized that I do not have the time to devote, nor the raw material to write that often, so I have decided to safe this for special occasions and the random historical reference- (like the time I stepped in dog poop in someone's living room and almost threw up when I realized or how I knew I was in love with my husband when a seagull shat on his head and it didn't make me almost throw up).

**it continues

Nobody has fessed up to pooping on the bathroom floor yet, but I have my suspects.  One woman actually cleaned it up, which to me is an admission of guilt.  Why would you clean up someone else's poop?  She's not the janitor, it wasn't her responsibility unless it was hers.  I have told this story to almost everyone I know and I can sense the pity in people's voice mixed with a little disbelief.  Healthy adults acting like animals in an office setting.  Sometimes I can hardly believe myself

Spite Doody

So, this is why I started a blog in the first place.  Someone pooped on the floor at work!!  I myself didn't see it but the whole place is buzzing.  I work with all college educated, law enforcement professionals who should be able to figure out how to use a toilet.  I think it was done on purpose because it didn't appear to have been an "emergency", if you know what I mean.  Someone just went into the stall, locked the door, than dropped a turd on the floor.  Worse yet, they could have brought the turd from home and then purposefully left it behind.  This is not the first time this has happened in this bathroom either, so there is a repeat offender in our mist.  The real victim in all of this is the janitor.

2 days in a row

Can't believe I managed to write two days in a row.  This week is flying by so fast.  I'm looking forward to this weekend, we're thinking of giving the boy cereal for the first time.  I've been looking forward to starting solids but tried not to rush it.  My mother had bought us a high chair and I have to pick it up today.  She's been holding on to corned beef for me since saturday and despite it being the last thing I feel like eating tonight I can't hurt her feelings.  I feel like corned beef is stalking me.  My husband made it sunday and I talked him out of leftovers of it monday and tuesday because I didn't want any more.   Now my mother is forcing her leftovers.  I'll be happy when it's all gone and St. Patrick's Day is over.

free time

I thought I would have so much free time.  I started this blog intending to write everyday but free time has been a forgotten memory.  Work is hectic, which is great because I need the distraction and home is crazy because things I could barely get done all day now have to be condensed into three hours a night.  Get home, feed baby, put everything in dishwasher ( I'm too cheap to buy more and I need to wash everything every night and let it dry for the next day), the baby poops his clothes at least once a day so I have to do his laundry every night, make dinner, wash baby, feed baby, put baby to bed, collapse on my own bed.  I have to wonder what I used to do with my time before, because I used to feel busy than but this is unreal.  When I do have a moment I usually spend it staring off into space.
But since I've returned to work I've had to adjust.  I haven't had to use a public bathroom is forever and had forgotten how gross they are.  Why is there toilet paper wads stuck to the walls?  How does poo get on the back of the seat? How far up are you seating?  A warning to others, if I don't hear you wash your hands I quickly look at your feet than figure out who you are then judge you.  It's gross and why I use a paper towel to open the door. 
Considering how judgemental I am it's amusing that I don't think twice about having some form of spit up on me at all times.  So few of my clothes fit that I can't always change when I see something so I typically just ignore it. 

A little sad

Today is the last day of my maternity leave.  I am actually surprised by how sad I have been the past few days at the thought of returning to work and putting my little guy in daycare.  I'm starting to agree with Henry Hill, work is for suckers

Where I get my stories

Let me start off by explaining, I am a probation officer.  Without getting into to all the schemantics about how the system is broken and how public employees are being unfairly vilified, I will say it is unique opportunity to really see how other people live.  Not only do I get to enter people's homes but I get to look through all of their stuff. The only common demoninator is that the people were convicted of a crime, but it stretches across every race, gender, ethnicity and socioeconomic group.  I have been in some of the finest homes in exclusive areas and some of the most run down public housing complexes.  I have witnessed the best and worst that humanity has to offer.  Some of the most surprising things that I've noted are:
-fewer people sleep with sheets on their bed than you'd think.  I  have always slept with a fitted sheet over my mattress and was surprised to find how many people don't.
-more people than I ever expected allow their dogs to poop inside.  Not on a "wee wee pad" but on the floor.
-there are rogue chunks of artificial hair and used condoms everywhere.  Take a look around the next public parking lot you're in, I'll bet you see some.
-Always keep your eyes open, you never know what you'll see on the road.  Some of the coolest wildlife I've seen in the most unlikely places.
-The grossest place in a teenage boy's room is the space between his bed and the wall.
-A lot of young girls take naked pictures of themselves and give them to people.  It is surprising how many of these photos you find in guy's underwear drawers
-If I can't laugh at it, it'll drive me crazy.